The Birthday Gift I Needed
I turned 48 today. I woke up this morning not feeling awesome. I slept in. I tossed and turned for a bit. I took stock of most of the things that weren’t going right for me right now. I tried to go back to sleep. Melissa crept out of the room early to hang those signature “Happy Birthday” signs that get recycled four times per year for each member of the family. I finally had to acknowledge that the day would proceed. I slinked out of bed, half-heartedly ready to head to a family breakfast in Seattle with my wife and boys.
I have been struggling a bit lately. I’m a little caught up in some stories about what I’m doing (or not doing) and why I wish some things were different. My ego is a big factor in this and it’s fighting for relevance. I think the ego loves birthdays as you get older. It’s a little opening to expose the “should haves”, “could haves”, and “why didn’t yous” with relative ease. I let my ego creep in today and it’s a real challenge to put it back in the box.
But it’s not impossible.
The universe wanted to teach me something today. It wanted to teach me that where I am is where I am. It wanted to remind me to not exert energy longing for what isn’t or lamenting about what wasn’t.
It began with a card from my son that read as follows:
“I’m so excited to share this day with you and celebrate you. I really don’t think that I express enough how grateful I am for you and everything you do for our family. I see how hard you work every day in order to provide Shane and me with as many opportunities as possible, and I just know that I would never be the person that I am today without you. Your motivation, optimism, and dedication inspire me to be a strong leader, while your curiosity and imagination have taught me to be a strong thinker. I’m sad that I won’t get to spend all of 48 with you, but even from afar, you will continue to help me grow. I love you so much.”
I read it at breakfast and the waterfall behind my eyes just flowed. This was a really important break in the dam for me today. I needed that. He even gave me a taste of my own medicine and shared back to me some life advice that I gave him before he headed off to camp in 5th grade about 7 years ago. He didn’t hear everything I said, but he heard these two things:
Stay Curious!
Sweat!
Here is what he wrote:
Later in the afternoon we went to a celebration of life memorial for a neighbor of ours who passed away recently. Over one hundred people were there to acknowledge Kathleen’s impact. They weren’t stories about “what” Kathleen did. They were all stories about “how” Kathleen made them feel. The ripples of her impact will be felt for a long time as she shifted the trajectory of so many in that room. And while that inspired me, I also acknowledged the reality that 72 years of life culminated in a 2-hour post-humous celebration of life memorial. Don’t live to be remembered. Most of us won’t be.
What started off as a bit of a “meh” day for me ended up teaching me something very powerful. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be open to the day but I’m glad I was. I’m reminded how much I control my circumstance. I learned a lot today. Yes, of course I know all these things. Heck, I wrote a book on it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still learning, and every situation is an invitation to dig a bit deeper. Here is what I was reminded of today:
Be aware of the stories that aren’t serving me
Surround myself with people that give me energy
Embrace that I am impacting people’s lives, especially my kids
Have the courage to take action
All I know for sure is this moment and I have a choice how I live into it
So yes, I had a great birthday today. I got exactly the gift that I needed.